How can you write in the style of Jeremy Clarkson?My English teacher wants me to write the story 'A Day in the Life of a Penny' in the style of...

Using Jeremy Clarkson's March 7, 2010 article "What a daft
way to stop your spaniel eating the milkman" as an example, Clarkson's authorial style
has some marked features that your imitation will need to -- imitate. First, Clarkson is
given to repetition and opposition ("one man once got on one plane in a pair of
exploding hiking boots and as a result everyone else"). In this quote, "one" is repeated
and then opposed to "pair" and "everyone else."

Secondly,
Clarkson is given to hyperbole, often with a sarcastic undertone intended to indicate
criticism delivered in a humorous way: e.g., "everyone else in the entire world is now
forced to strip naked at airports and hand over their toiletries to a man in a
high-visibility jacket."

Sarcasm, surprisingly, is a word
that seems difficult to define with consistent agreement. href="http://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/british/sarcasm">Cambridge
Dictionary Online seems to define it best as: "the use of remarks which
clearly mean the opposite of what they say, and which are made in order to hurt
someone's feelings or to criticize something in a humorous way." In Clarkson's case,
sarcasm accompanies hyperbole as an undertone (it isn't necessarily direct sarcasm;
e.g., the men may really wear high-vivibility jackets) to make criticism
emphatic.

href="http://www.uky.edu/AS/Classics/rhetoric.html#23">Hyperbole, a figure
of speech of the literary device/literary technique classification, is exaggeration used
for dramatic or other effect. For example, Clarkson writes: "forced to strip naked at
airports... ." Clearly, no one strips naked at airports, through force or otherwise, but
the ritual that is imposed at airports is nonetheless -- shall we say -- ridiculous --
or absurd -- and Clarkson's hyperbole with sarcastic undertone ("toiletries to a man in
a high-visibility jacket") makes this point perfectly well because our toiletries
(shampoo and what not) are (besides oftentimes being toxic) perfectly innocent and not
worthy of the attention of a "man in a high-visibility
jacket."

Another feature of Clarkson's style is that he is
direct in pronouncements of his feelings, reactions and opinions--direct yet not
vulgarly harsh:

readability="9">

It just changes the pattern of everyday life for
everyone else. This is what drives me
mad.

We now think it’s normal behaviour to
take off our clothes at an airport. But it isn’t. Nor is it
normal to stand outside in the rain to have a cigarette or to do 30mph on a dual
carriageway when it’s the middle of the night and everyone else is in bed.
It’s
stupid.

And he
is, in his humorously sarcastic hyperbolic manner,
realistic:

at
the extremes, you have 5% who are goodie-goodies and who become vicars, and 5% who build
exploding hiking shoes and starve their children to death... . We must start to accept
that 5% of the population at any given time is
bonkers.

Your imitation of
Clarkson will incorporate these stylistic features and any others you identify for
yourself, like sentence length and rhythm, vocabulary tendencies, use of examples, other
figures of speech, etc.