You have a good beginning in what you have already
written, which is a couplet, since a couplet is a pair of rhyming lines that usually
have the same general length and meter. In my opinion, there are a few things you might
consider when reviewing what you have already
created.
First, you seem to contradict yourself in the
first and second lives, since you instruct a certain someone to "come to" you in line
one, but use the words "away from me" and "stay" in the second line. If you are really
requesting this person to remain with you, you may need to reword the beginning of the
second line. This will prevent a little bit of
confusion.
In addition, the first three lines of your
couplet are written using a somewhat formal voice, which is works well. This voice is
consistent throughout the poem until the very last word, "hey." I believe that that one
word takes a great deal away from the feeling you are trying to convey in your writing.
Please consider replacing the slang term with a more formal expression or
word.
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