Hey, I like what you found in terms of an attention
grabber or hook. This completely grabbed my attention and made me wonder what the paper
would be about.
I would encourage at this point that you
combine the next two sentences eliminating the conversational "well" and getting a
little more direct.
For example, I would write: "This
intelligent piece of advice makes perfect sense because history is simply an important
part of life."
You might also consider in that thesis
statement being a little bit more parallel in your 3 body paragraph ideas... just to
make it shine. What I mean by that is go ahead and start with, "Studying history allows
individuals to..." but then make your list parallel. In English when we say parallel we
mean make sure all items in your list have a similar grammatical format. In your case I
would recommend each part of the list start with a verb in its base form. For example,
"have .... , experience their identity...., and examine and learn from
...."
Make sense?
If you want
to send me a message, I will happily check over a finalized intro paragraph for
you.
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